Let’s face it; keeping fit is a pain in the butt. Sadly, if you don’t do any exercise then your butt will start to play an ever bigger role in your life.
If you hate modern gyms then wouldn’t you just love to step back in time and try out this retro gym equipment?
Gym Equipment of Our Forefathers
The Unfathomable Exercise Machine
I am just going to come clean and admit that I haven’t got the foggiest idea what this machine does or what part of your body it allegedly works out. If I had to guess I would suggest that it is designed to rid your stomach and shoulder of excess flab by jerking you back and forward in a rudimentary manner. The use of a bulky and frankly cumbersome full length dress is seemingly recommended.
The Group Belt Workout
Ok, so this retro gym equipment is definitely designed to rub your belly into submission. But why the caps and the drinks? I can only conclude that this was some sort of old-fashioned type of group spa day or else the world’s worst bachelorette party.
The Leg Exerciser
This look like the most boring piece of exercise equipment ever invented. As you can see, going to the gym in the past was a rather more formal experience than it is now.
The Old Time Stretchy Thing
Back in the old day a real man didn’t need to lift weights or run marathons. No sir, he just stretched one of these things for hours on end, preferably with a stoic expression on his face. As you can see, our rippling hero has opted to work out in a button up cardigan and I think I can see the hint of bowtie there as well, can’t I? I have no idea if this is still a valid exercise option in the 21st century but I would seriously doubt it.
The Twisty Thing Machine
This just looks like a good old fashioned torture machine rather than retro gym equipment. The guy has been left to hang there and now there is no way of possibly getting back down again.
The Neck Snapping Device
This looks like the healthiest suicide device ever. You get to work out your legs and tummy while snapping your neck at the same time.
The Giant Belt
This is the kind of huge belt that should surely be used in industrial manufacturing processes rather than to help some guy lose his beer gut.
The Bucking Bronco Machine
You see, retro gym equipment can be good fun as well as necessary to avoid getting all flabby. This machine is so exciting that lazy people stand and watch while others work out.
The Spinning Hammock
Good lord, how could this monstrosity possibly help you to reduce weight and keep muscles “in order”? It looks like it would snap you like a twig once you strapped yourself into and gave yourself up to the gods of old fashioned exercise machines.
The Electric Belt
Are you a weak man in need of help? In that case you need Mr McLaughlin’s Electric Belt to restore you to “the highest standard of manhood”. It will even cure your constipation and give you a light heart so what’s not to like?