The best part of the holidays is spending time with family: Checking in with grandpa. Meeting your cousin’s new baby. Hearing how your niece likes her first year in college. It is a time when you can relax with your loved ones and bond over a beautiful meal.
However, the most beautiful thing about families is also the most challenging part. Families are a patchwork of colorful characters with individual quirks, habits and opinions. Blame it on the happy spirits or the spirits being poured, but many people like let loose with their opinions at family gatherings.
Sometimes when you just want a simple, peaceful holiday, it is okay to disengage. You can leave the room, try to change the subject or turn up the volume of the Parade. It is your holiday too. However, occasionally you may find yourself with your back against the wall, taxed with having to choose a side.
Before you side with your ultra-conservative Uncle Gilbert (who just came back from a Trump rally) or your liberal Cousin Mel (who protested the 1% in Zuccotti Park), remember to take a breath.
This Thanksgiving navigate all the thorny topics that pop up with these surefire statements that bring the conversation back to the holiday and away from political arguments. Each statement allows you to casually respond to the issues being thrown at you without siding with Gilbert or Mel. Be the guy that nobody disagrees with! Then, slink out of the room for more football or pie.
TOPIC: Starbucks Cups
Uncle Gilbert: Starbucks: “Once again someone is taking the Christmas out of holidays!”
Cousin Mel: “We live in secular country! A public corporation should erase all references to a religious holiday!”
What You Can Say: “It’s just a cup. Christmas will still come and Starbucks will still be in business. Now, would anyone like some FREE coffee?!”
TOPIC: Barack Obama’s Legacy
Uncle Gilbert: “Obama has been a disaster!”
Cousin Mel: “Obama has been one of the most successful presidents in history!”
What You Can Say: “I think time will tell. Let’s see if we are talking about him ten Thanksgivings from now. Great Grandma’s hosting that year.”
TOPIC: Gay Marriage
Cousin Mel: “Gay marriage is wonderful. It should be sanctioned law!”
Uncle Gilbert: “Marriage is only between a man and a woman.”
What You Can Say: “It looks like it’s already a done deal, but everyone has the right to believe what he or she believes. That’s what makes our country great! You know what else makes this country great? Thanksgiving! So let’s eat!”
TOPIC: Donald Trump
Uncle Gilbert: “He’s awesome. He tells it like it is.”
Cousin Mel: “He’s horrifying. He has no idea what he is talking about.”
What You Can Say: “He’s obviously striking a chord with people.”
TOPIC: Hillary Clinton
Cousin Mel: “She’s awesome. She tells it like it is.”
Uncle Gilbert: “She’s horrifying. She has no idea what she is talking about.”
What You Can Say: “She’s obviously striking a chord with people.”
TOPIC: GMOs
Cousin Mel: “Genetically modified organisms are unnatural and terrible for us to eat!”
Uncle Gilbert: “There is no proof about GMOs causing any damage at all. GMOs also save money and help create food in a world of hunger!”
What You Can Say: “It should be any one person’s choice what they choose to eat. Now, pass the marshmallow fluff.”
TOPIC: Religion
Cousin Mel: “Religion is the root of all evil.”
Uncle Gilbert: “Bless you. Let me know you this pamphlet I got at church.”
What You Can Say: “I believe that people can believe whatever they want. That’s why I believe that.”
TOPIC: Obamacare
Uncle Gilbert: “Obamacare threatens the quality of American health care and is a big waste of money.”
Cousin Mel: “It’s a huge success. Many more Americans are now covered.”
What You Can Say: “We can all agree that Obamacare is not perfect. Unlike those yams!!!”
TOPIC: Veganism
Cousin Mel: “It’s the only healthy way to eat.”
Uncle Gilbert: “It’s disgusting.”
What You Can Say: “I love vegans. I won’t make them eat this real turkey if they don’t make me eat that fake turkey.”
TOPIC: Marijuana Laws
Uncle Gilbert: “Marijuana is a gateway drug and should be illegal and criminalized!”
Cousin Mel: “Marijuana is not even as dangerous as alcohol and should definitely be legalized.”
What You Can Say: “I smoked…this turkey for hours. Let’s all Inhale that, family!”
TOPIC: Adele
Cousin Mel: “She is the best artist ever!”
Uncle Gilbert: “Ugh, I can not stand her.”
What You Can Say: “She’s so talented, but she is very overexposed.”
TOPIC: Caitlin Jenner
Cousin Mel: “I love her!”
Uncle Gilbert: “He is a disgrace.”
What You Can Say: “I don’t know her. I don’t understand, but she seems happy and it all doesn’t really affect me. What I do understand is that I’m transfixed on the smell of the stuffing right now.
TOPIC: Social Media
Uncle Gilbert: “We do not even know how to speak to each other anymore! Stop staring at your phone!”
Cousin Mel: “Social media helps spread information faster than ever. We can connect to (and stay in touch with) people we were never able to before.”
What You Can Say: “Dinner was served an hour ago. You didn’t know?! Sorry! I totally tweeted it!”
May your Thanksgiving be a loving and peaceful one!
