It’s that dreaded sound all men fear. That high-pitched, disingenuous “Thaaaaank Yooou” your wife or girlfriend utters after opening a gift from you. She thinks she is being covert and appreciative but she is no actress. It is obvious. She hates it.
Your heart sinks. Earmuffs (or candles or lingerie or that band t-shirt) sounded like an awesome idea. You consider throwing a few bucks in a card to make up for it, but you know that will not work either. Will this present provoke a fight?
You tried this time. Sure, you procrastinated. You got a little sidetracked playing with the electronics at the mall. You listened too closely to the salesperson at the counter. But you really wanted her to be happy in this moment.
That high-pitched “thank you” is one of several signs that she is feels that way. Perhaps it was a punctuated “Oh.” Or the over-enthusiastic “Wow!!!!” No matter her reaction, yours stays the same. You are sad because you disappointed her.
Every woman is different, so no one can tell you exactly what you should get her. It is a gift FROM you, so it is ultimately your mission to determine the best, most appropriate gift. Here are a few tips to help you get started.
Make it personal. As obvious as it seems, a gift is not just an item you buy for someone else. It is a thought, and some thoughts are more detailed than others. Your neighbor might drop by with a tin of fancy popcorn and you will appreciate that. They truly did not have to make that effort. It is kind. However, that same tin of popcorn would be less thoughtful a gift for someone you share a bed with. (Exception: Your wife or girlfriend is obsessed with a brand of popcorn she cannot get herself.)
Really ask yourself who your woman is. She might “love jewelry”, but what kind of jewelry does she love? She might have a favorite perfume, but is she running out of it? Is there something that could really help her? What memories do you have together? Avoid thinking about things she generally likes and get specific. WHY are you getting her THIS gift?
And perhaps the best gift is not a material item, but a new experience, a memento or an opportunity. Instead of thinking what she wants, ask yourself what she would appreciate.
Listen to the clues. Whether it is intentional or not, everyone drops hints. We live in a society where we are constantly bombarded with provocative ads and images. We walk down aisles in stores and pass beautiful window displays. And we all respond.
No matter the time of year, listen closely and keep notes. There is no shame about having a Gift Ideas note in your phone, or taking pictures of things you know she likes. With each gift she opens, imagine having to tell her WHY you bought it for her. Maybe even do exactly that.
The key, however, is the listening part. Of course, it is important to listen to maintain a healthy relationship, but paying closer attention during the mundane chats will help you gain an understanding of the intricacies of her daily life. That is key knowledge in picking out a gift.
Ask her friends. If you are stumped, there is no shame in asking other people who know her well. New perspectives can inspire quite a few of the best gifts possible. And perhaps, she has dropped hints to other people. Collect all the information you can and trust that her friends see a side of her that you might not always see.
Asking a salesperson is not a viable substitute for asking her friends. A salesperson is a stranger with ulterior motives. They want to make a sale. If you must use a salesperson, be sure to be very specific in describing your wife or girlfriend. If you know you are buying jewelry, take pictures of your lady’s favorite pieces to show the salesperson.
Plan. Planning is the cardinal rule that is broken the most often. Procrastinating your gift buying will always result in a less thought out, more impersonal gift. Yes, occasionally miracles can happen. And yes, there might be better deals if you wait. But the stress of last minute shopping is never worth it.
Wrap it right. If a gift is about the thought behind it, then so is the wrapping. You might not be the best at wrapping, but presenting a gift in a shopping bag (or tissue paper, or newspaper) is a blatant indication that you put in little effort.
Do not be afraid to get creative. The joy of opening a gift is another fun experience you get to provide the woman you love. Make it fun and honor the time and energy you invested in selecting her gift. It is not just about the gift, but what it means to give it.
Include a card. Yes, people tear through the card and focus on the gift. However, a carefully selected card or heartfelt note keeps the materialism away and truly expresses the reasons why you are getting her the gift. You love her and want her to feel special.
A few guidelines on actual gifts:
Do not buy her lingerie for Christmas or a birthday. That is a gift for you, not her.
Avoid buying clothing. Size, fit and style are very specific to each individual.
Gift cards are great for some people, but you can do so much better for someone you truly love.
When in doubt, get a gift. If you established a “no gifts this year” policy, it is best to get a gift.
When buying jewelry, have a personal reason (or story) about why you picked that piece just for your lady. Tell her when she opens it.
Same goes for flowers, accessories, gadgets and kitchen equipment.
Unless specifically requested, never buy her exercise equipment.
If you benefit from the gift you select for her (a trip, a flat screen, a new appliance), then it is truly not a gift for her.
If she needs mundane things (appliances, home goods, etc.) they make fine gifts, but include something special and less mundane as well.
And finally, the most important tip:
Love her. Showing it is not reflected in how much you spend, but how much you thought of her. Make her feel special. That is what a gift is supposed to do.
