We have all been there. We finally get up the nerve to approach someone we find attractive, either in person or online. We excitedly get the impression that there is mutual interest and then, out of nowhere, it is over.
It’s probably not you per se. Perhaps you are just a bad flirt. These days it is of the utmost of importance to develop this social skill. And while there are many ways to flirt, be aware of the following bad flirting habits.
You start conversations with “Hello!, “How are you?” or “Sup?”
Listen, it’s tough to make the first move, but actually making a move that will get you somewhere is an entirely different skill. The key is to ask questions that actually spark the most enlightening conversation. Yes, these questions often ask the responder for more time and energy; however, if they are feeling you, they will take the time and respond.
You ask yes-or-no questions, or only give yes-or-no answers.
Same as above. A ‘yes’ or ‘no’ does not help the conversation evolve. If you are asked a yes-or-no question, answer it by adding an ‘and’ or a ‘but’.
You are not listening.
You might not be listening because you are not that interested. You might not be listening because you are incredibly interested and in your head about it. No matter the reason, take great pains to listen and remember important parts of a conversation. Nothing is less sexy than having to repeat yourself.
You are over-sexualizing everything.
Sexy talk can be great, but leave it to the times when it is great for everyone involved. Do not initiate a conversation with a sexually charged question or comment. If the conversation gets sexy, let it evolve to it.
You are not being confident. Or you are over-confident.
Note: There is a difference between being confident and being a dick. A confident person can breathe normally and truly listen to a person they are interested in. A dick overcompensates. Someone completely lacking confidence might stammer, stutter or put their foot in their mouth. They way to achieve confidence is to be yourself, keep the conversation simple and smile.
You are not reading signals.
There is no one on the planet that can get anyone they want – and neither can you. If someone is not interested, do not let that hurt you. It is simply not a match. You might be tall, dark and handsome – but she might prefer short, pale and Hobbity. It is important to read the signals and move on quickly. The truth of the matter is this: She deserves someone she is actually into, and you deserve someone who is actually into you.
