Modern love has a brand new set of rules. We meet more people (thanks, apps), we might sleep with more people (thanks again, apps) and the circle of people we can date changes quickly. For good or bad, casual dating is becoming a norm. This does not excuse us from treating people with respect. Or by not communicating properly. Ghosting – or abruptly cutting off all communication – is a rampant phenomenon in our age of texting.

But is it ever appropriate? Let’s examine this very prevalent practice.

Is it ever okay to ghost?

The short answer – no. In truth, ghosting – even in times when you might CHOOSE to do it – is never a categorically right. It is always best to communicate, and be honest with the people you meet.

However, if it has only been one date or if you think that there is a mutual ambivalence about continuing a relationship, then ghosting might be perfectly acceptable. Yes, it takes a very perceptive person to know what another person is thinking. Yes, you can never be certain unless you communicate. But some times, things are obvious.

How should I ghost?

Well, if you truly are ambivalent to someone, do not lead them on. Do not reach out when you are drunk or lonely (read: horny). Do not lie to them. Simply stop reaching out, and see if they stop too. If they continue to reach out, then you need to talk to them.

What if I ghosted someone and then want to see her again?

Tough situation. Why did you ghost them? What have you learned since? Why do you want to see them again? Are you romanticizing them now that they are gone? Are you lonely, sad, or horny? (See above.)

If you truly think you made a mistake, reach out and apologize. Say you have been missing her. Make it short and simple and see how she responds. She might be over you, and you need to respect that.

What if I bump into someone I ghosted?

Be respectful. Say hello, catch-up quickly and then move on. This was someone you knew, maybe someone you slept with – respect the time you had and respect the person she is.

What if I think I have been ghosted?

Ask for clarification. Just as you need to be honest and not lead anyone on, your dates owe you the same respect. Be vulnerable and simply ask. A candid conversation can say both of you a great deal of time and heartbreak.

But she is so nice and I do not want to hurt her feelings…

Dude, you know what will hurt her more? Lying to her, abandoning her, or disrespecting her. If you have ANY doubts about whether it is okay to ghost someone, do not do it. And if she continues to reach out, do not do it. Do not stand her up or break plans. If it fizzles and you are happy about it, let it fizzle. But if you need to break it off, YOU need to break it off. Have some balls.

No matter what: Be a man, not a ghost.