We looked at the worst songs ever written a while back but what about songs which might not be all that bad but which have mind-numbingly, heart-sinkingly bad lyrics? I bet there are a few of those about as well.
McArthur Park – Various Artists
Someone left the cake out in the rain/I don’t think I could take it/ `cause it took so long to bake it/and I’ll never have that recipe again, oh no!
This song has been sung by a few people and as far as I can see they all managed to keep a straight face while singing the utterly ridiculous and awful song lyrics. However, the one good thing to come out of it is the timeless wisdom of never leaving your baked products out in inclement weather, especially if you don’t have the recipe for them.
Life – Des’ree
I don’t want to see a ghost / It’s a sight that I fear most / I’d rather have a piece of toast / and watch the evening news
I love this song. I really do. I also tend to agree with the heartfelt sentiments on show here. If given the choice between seeing a supernatural being and eating some toasted bread while watching the news I would go for the non-scary option every single time.
Whenever Wherever – Shakira
Lucky that my breasts are small and humble / So you don’t confuse them with mountains
This is another good song with unfathomably banal lyrics. Be honest here, when have you ever looked at a woman and thought, “Good Lord, why has that lady got a mountain range on her chest?” The answer is surprisingly rarely.
LFO – Summer Girls
New Kids on the Block had a bunch of hits / Chinese food makes me sick
I have never heard this song in my life and I can genuinely say that I have no recollection of ever reading or hearing anything about a band called LFO before today. Having said that, I greatly admire their lyrical honesty and integrity. New Kids on the Block did indeed have a collection of hits which we could call a bunch. Hang on though, how do I really know that Chinese food makes this master songwriter unwell and that he hasn’t used this line purely to construct an ingenious and catchy song lyric?
My Humps – Black Eyes Peas
My hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump / My hump, my hump, my hump, my lovely little lumps (Check it out)

What the hell does all of this mindless repetition of the word hump even mean? Am I the only person who pictures a horny Hunchback of Notre Dame when I hear these terrible song lyrics?
Why Can’t This Be Love – Van Halen
Only time will tell / If we stand the test of time
We are back to the LFO school of undeniably true but spookily stupid song lyrics here. It looks like they forgot the question mark from the song title as well.
Badge – Cream
I told you not to wander ’round in the dark/ I told you ’bout the swans, that they live in the park
This is another great song with awful song lyrics in it. What Earth shattering news about those blooming swans that live in the bleeding park was worth adding them to this song? Swans are about the least newsworthy creatures on God’s sweet Earth and deserve to be ignored by everyone, especially songwriters.
A Horse with no Name – America
The heat was hot and the ground was dry

This is a great song with incredibly silly lyrics in parts. I have always been intrigued by this song and to this day have absolutely no idea what it is about. What I do know that it contains an unbelievably banal description of the weather.
