Tattoos can be many things to many people. They can have deep personal meaning, or they may be the result of one too many shots of tequila and a dare from Brad. You remember him. That guy you always avoided in school. Why did you let him talk you into a tattoo? The fact is even tattoos conceived in loving consideration can go horribly wrong with the wrong placement and a little time and gravity. Here are three body parts you should leave unmarked for the sake of your dignity.

 

1. Stomach Tattoos

Tattoo and the bellyDo you remember the joy of playing with silly putty as a kid? You could take the face of your favorite comic character and stretch them to outrageous proportions. Everyone laughed, good times were had all around. But you can see where this is going.

You’re going to get older, and odds are you’re also going to get fatter. Young women, you may one day experience the miracle of childbirth. Young men, you may one day experience the miracle of beer and dollar taco night at the bar. Regardless, as your stomach expands, the silly putty that is your living skin stretches and distorts to fit your girth, dragging your awesome tattoo with it. Even if you lose the weight, the damage is done. Unless you’re trying to cover your stretch marks by tattooing tiger stripes over them, avoid stomach tattoos.

2. Chest Tattoos

The chest area remains a popular destination for only the most classy of tattoos. Misspelled phrases, unicorns, fairies…you name it, they can be found forever marked on the chests of the young and young at heart. Unfortunately, they’re prone to the same, ahem, expansion problems as stomach tattoos. Women, if you’re ever pregnant or gain weight, odds are your boobs are going to look radically different than they did beforehand. Even if you never have children and remain a perfect size 6 until the day you die, gravity will have its way with you.

Warning: naked old lady

Tattoos and Body Parts

Guys, you’re not immune, either.

Tattoos and the Chest

3. Neck Tattoos

The times, they are a-changin’. Having a highly visible tattoo is no longer the death of your hopes and dreams for a real job. That doesn’t mean your new neck tattoo comes without risk. As you age, your skin loses elasticity and relaxes. Instead of staying taut and firm over your body, it begins to sag and drape around you, much like that pair of underwear you’ve been wearing since freshman year. Your wicked tat will end up crumpled and lifeless, like a flag on a windless day.

(Your tattoo today, top. Bottom, your tattoo in 20 years)

Tatto and the Neck

Tattoos and the Neck