You have been dying to know. And now you can find out. Are you a douche? Find out in these 11 questions.
You have been on a few dates with someone and you are not really feeling her. You:
a. Stop responding to her texts. She will get the hint.
b. Sleep with her one last time. That’s dating.
c. Plan one last fancy date and drop the news at the end of it.
d. Text her. Be honest and say that you are not that into her anymore.
e. None of the above.
The girl you are seeing wants to take sex slower than you want to. You:
a. Break it off. It’s not worth the hassle and you have to be on the same page sexually
b. Casually tell her you can only wait so long
c. Sleep with other people
d. Plan the most romantic date possible to get her in the mood
e. None of the above.
You are scheduled to go to a family event. You wear:
a. Socks with sandals
b. A three piece white linen suit
c. Ed Hardy, a fedora and a ton of Axe
d. Whatever you want. It’s family
e. None of the above
You are going to be late. You call your girlfriend and she is really pissed about it. You:
a. Talk louder into the phone and yell at her. She needs to understand your point of view.
b. Hang up and talk to her later when she is less emotional.
c.Tell her you can talk about it in a few days. She is probably being emotional because it’s “that time”.
d. Break up. You called to tell her you were running late and she did not even appreciate that. You tried to be honest.
e. None of the above.
You really dislike your girlfriend’s new “bestie”. She is talkative, bossy and makes some stupid comments that you disagree with. You:
a. Explain to your girlfriend that you cannot have that person in your life, and ask her to stop being friends with her.
b. Go straight to the friend and tell her that, despite her relationship with your girl, you definitely DO NOT want to be friends.
c. Try to avoid her by making sure you are never at the same event at the same time.
d. Casually bring it up to both of them. They are both big girls.
e. None of the above.
Your old High School English teacher does not have the same political views as you and makes it apparent on Facebook. You:
a. Explain your own views in a private message.
b. Respond to each crazy post he posts. This is SOCIAL media, no?
c. Tag him in every other post that you agree with, so he knows where you stand. He is a smart guy and will come around.
d. Unfriend him.
e. None of the above.
A very sensitive cousin wants to go into the same profession as you. You do not think he is up for it. One day, he asks for your guidance. You:
a. Discourage him. It’s tough and it is better to be blunt now.
b. Discourage him. There is too much competition for you anyway and you would not want this to ruin your relationship.
c. Ignore him. If he really wants it bad enough, he will work hard like you did.
d. Tell him you feel uncomfortable helping him out because you did not have someone to help you out.
e. None of the above.
Some 12 year-old stole 20 bucks from you. You:
a. Hunt down the kid and get your 20 back.
b. Find the kid on social media and make him feel bad until he confesses.
c. Chase him, restrain him and make him call his parents.
d. Call the police.
e. None of the above.
Your girlfriend wants to get married, but you are not 100% sure.
a. Do it. You will never be 100% sure with anyone.
b. Tell her to stop nagging and that you will want it when you want it.
c. Ignore her. This is not a discussion worth having if you both are not ready.
d. Break up. No need for pressure like that.
e. None of the above.
You are only interested in someone for sex, but you are not sure if she feels the same way. You:
a. Text her a picture of your dick. She will either be into it, or block you, but t you will know.
b. Only contact her after 11pm. She will get the hint.
c. Play hard to get.
d. Ask her out on a real date. Halfway through the date, man up and be honest.
e. None of the above.
Your waiter is swamped. He apologizes profusely, but you have waited longer than you would like for your food. You tip:
a. 0%. No excuses.
b. A few bucks because he apologized.
c. 10%. That’s the bad service rate.
d. Like you normally would, minus a few bucks for the inconvenience.
e. None of the above.
Score: If you answered a or c to any questions, you are definitely douchey. If you answered b or d, you are also definitely douchey. If you answered e to every one of the questions, you might be douchey, but you passed this test.
