It seems like it is all there. You have been dating a while and it is going well. You have a great rapport and there are feelings – big feelings. This is going somewhere, you think, but how do you know when to take a leap and commit? Putting all the emotion on the side (because, contrary to popular opinion, relationships do not last on emotion), it is important to consider a few other things before going all in.
- Do you want the same family life?
In short – kids. Do you want them? Does she want them? How many do you both want? If you are on the same page, you are headed in a much stronger direction of success. While you are on the subject of household, discuss pets as well.
- Do you want to live in the same place?
Do you both intend to live in the same city or town that you currently live Where do you see yourselves residing in one, five and twenty years? Of course, we will grow and change, but if you have your sights on an NYC penthouse and she wants to live in a Nebraskan farm, it’s best to consider those issues are early as possible.
- Do you have the same financial expectations of each other?
In other words, how important is money and a balanced, healthy financial life? More importantly, what are each of your responsibilities in contributing to finances and spending? How much of a savings is important? Do you intend on investing together? Discuss how important these things are currently, but also how important you expect them to be in the future.
- Do you still maintain a sense of self with this person?
Is this a person who makes you feel like a better you? Do you think you could pursue passions and interests outside of the relationship with the support of this person? Remember, a great relationship makes two people better individuals. Not an unhappy glob of “we” and “us”.
- Can you grow and evolve with this person?
People change. You will and so will your committed. Are you willing to accept a commitment that allows you to grow and evolve together? If so, great! Do you expect this person to always stay the same? If so, you are not ready to commit.
- Do you trust this person?
The most obvious question, but the one that people truly forget to ask themselves. Do you trust this person implicitly? Spend extra time soul-searching this question. If any hesitation comes up, recognize it for the red flag that it is.
- Does this person make you laugh?
Looks fade. Laughs – the really good ones – can last forever. Find someone you like to laugh with. If they make you take things too seriously, ask yourself if that is the life you want to lead. Laughter is healing, and you will need healing in an relationship – no matter how successful!
