It happens to all of us. It’s been a long day. We are tired and excited for an hour/night/Sunday with our best friend: the television. We switch on at that glowing, beautiful box and we are peacefully aware that the moment we have been looking forward to all day is here.
We sit down with a beer and a sandwich, but realize something is wrong. A feeling of dread drops into us like a lead ball.
The remote is missing. We check the couch cushions. We check under the coffee table. It’s gone. Kidnapped? Run away? Did it leave for a better-looking, younger couch potato?
We sigh sadly. And the following signs of grief start appearing…
- WE TAKE A NAP
We are on a couch, unable to eat the food we prepared. We stare aimlessly at a television that is not on the channel you want it to be on. We are frustrated, and bored and slowly, but sure we start to….zzzz….
- WE WATCH AN INFOMERCIAL
No one watches informercials unless they are drunk or lost their remote. Usually, they are watched because someone was drunk AND lost their remote. Now we have a Magic Bullet, but no remote.
- WE TRY IN VAIN TO REACH THE TV
We might have gone to the gym earlier that day or earlier in the 80s, but we will still attempt a physical challenge. Hell no, we are not leaving our couch, but we might reach the TV if ooonly we…nope, not gonna happen.
- WE SIT DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF THE TV
The strongest among us could give up, stand up and leave the couch – only to find themselves curled up ad sitting directly in front of it.
- WE BEG OUR GIRLFRIENDS, WIVES AND BROS
Anyone, please! Please change the channel! Why are you being so selfish?
- WE START TEXTING PEOPLE
At least we have your phone handy…Candy Crush is boring, so who can we text for fun? How about that ex-girlfriend, or that girl that jilted us?
- WE THROW SHIT
These are reason why throw pillows were invented….so we can throw them when you lose your remote.
- WE SCREAM
We scream. Loud and proud. The neighbors get it. They have lost their remote too.
- WE BUY A NEW TV
You wanted the few extra inches with the surround sound anyway. Now we have a great reason to get it. What a great night!
