Listen up, gentleman. Sometimes it is right to experiment (college, BBQ season, Fantasy Football), but there is one thing you should not get too creative with: your hair. Yes, you need to try new things. Yes, you need to keep up with some trends. Yes, you gotta look clean and groomed. But certainly cuts should be off the menu. Whether they harken back to a time that is long, long past, or they simply do not look good on anyone, avoid these haircuts…ALWAYS!
Mullet
If the Business is in the front and the party is in the back, it is highly doubtful you are doing any serious business or partying with anyone. The ultimate eye roll of a haircut, no one can elevate a mullet – so why do you think you can?
Ponytail
Like the mullet, the ponytail is less funny and a bit more desperate. Even worse is the balding ponytail. Gentlemen, not one of you is a pony. Be a stallion instead!
Combover
We need to talk about the fact that you are deluding yourself. You are not fooling anyone, so why are you fooling yourself. Give it up and by a trimmer. Shave it all!
Horseshoe
If you have nothing on the top, why do you feel so connected to the hair in the back and on the sides. Embrace your genetics and shave all the way!
1980s Bouffant
If mousse and a hairdryer are necessary before leaving your place, I would suggest purchasing a calendar. If you are concerned with your hair’s height, people might think you are overcompensating for other things.
Culturally inappropriate dreadlocks
Just no. Stop it.
Shag
Hipster or not, give up ironic looks and just be yourself. If you sport a shag because you are lazy and need to get your hair cut, own it. Then see a barber.
Mohawk
This can work on some guys, but very few actually pull it off. If you are unsure if you pull it off, then rest assured – you do not.
The Fabio
If your hair is wavy and past your shoulders, it is time you face reality. You have not had a decent haircut in 25 years.
Bowl Cut
The only excuse for having this cut is being a 12 year old boy in 1992.
Frosted Tips
The only excuse for having this is being a 16 year old in 1996
Man Bun
Why? You look silly. Get a haircut, dude. Scrunchies had their day and you missed.
