An unattractive or awkward Tinder pic is the modern equivalent of a shoddy one-liner. Gone are the days when you could casually walk up to a beautiful person in a bar and win her over with some charm and a great sense of humor. It is a Tinder world and so much has changed. We open an app instead of closing a bar. We collect matches (or right swipes) instead of collecting phone numbers. And we make our first impressions with a simple, uploaded photo.
A group of anonymous ladies (and a few gentlemen) on Tinder assembled to discuss what type of guy makes a a great first impression on the app. No specific conclusions could be made. (It seems women desire many different physical attributes in a guy.) However, a strong consensus emerged as to the types of guy the women quickly swiped left (read: rejected), based solely on their picture.
Are you one of these guys? Grab your phone and get ready to be schooled. Let’s call it your first day of Tindergarten.
Sunglasses Guy
Arguably the most common guy to be rejected, Sunglasses Guy seems to pop up about every third swipe. He thinks he is being mysterious or sporty (“I just happen to be outside in all my best pictures!”, whined one proud SG.) While he might be good-looking, charismatic and a ton of fun, no one can determine his potential because he is hiding the most important part of his face. He is perceived as untrustworthy and evasive. Other common assumptions are that Sunglasses Guy is insecure, blind, or that one of his eyes resemble Quasimodo’s.
Lesson: If you really want to use a sunglasses picture, be sure there is only one in the bunch. It should also not be the first picture on your profile.
Lost-in-a-Crowd Guy
Lost-in-a-Crowd Guy is very excited that he finally found a great picture of himself! He is smiling, looking confident and the picture accurately looks like him. Score! The only problem is that the Tinder pic was taken at his family reunion and the pictures shows him surrounded by Nana, Pappy and 45 cousins. No one knows who he is. The uncertainly makes most women instantly swipe left. Lost-in-a-Crowd Guy is also found (or not found) in groups at the beach, groups at the bar and in group selfies of any kind.
Lesson: Unless you are trying to get dates for your friends, use your Tinder profile to only showcase yourself. Also, learn to crop a picture.
So Serious Guy
So Serious Guy instantly makes his potential match think, “Why so serious?” He will not smile for anything or anyone, prompting the Tinder user to assume he is an absolutely terrible person to date. He assumes he looks masculine or dangerous, but, in reality, he is increasing the enrollment at local self defense classes.
Lesson: Smile. Smile in pictures and please, smile in life.
Fuzzy Guy
Fear not! Fuzzy Guy can have as much body hair as he wants. He is, however, another example of someone who seems to be hiding. He might have taken the perfect picture, but his photography skills are so poor that he looks more like an underwater cartoon. No one will match with water-logged Fred Flintstone. Not even Wilma.
Lesson: Learn a little Photoshop, or Instagram. Or take another picture that actually shows you can work a smartphone.
Headless Guy
It’s almost always a given that Headless Guy goes to the gym. Oftentimes, his pictures are taken there. Or in the bathroom mirror at home. His body looks great but something is missing. Ah yes, his head! Contrary to popular belief, many women prefer men with a head on their shoulders (both figuratively and literally).
Lesson: A body shot (or two) are great, but put your face up front. A good picture of your face should always be your initial profile picture.
Bodyless Guy
The opposite of Headless Guy is Bodyless Guy. Bodyless Guy has six nice pictures cropped up so tightly on his face, the potential match has no idea if he owns a neck. (Necks are deal breakers for many ladies.) It seems like he is afraid to show his body. There are people out there attracted to every type of person, but Bodyless Guy does not represent himself accurately, and he risks not finding those people.
Lesson: Be proud of who you are. It does not matter if you are 75 or 750 pounds, include at lease one full body shot.
Artsy Guy
Artsy Guy might think he is showing his softer side by a posting picture of himself looking pensive by a stream. Or perhaps, he is laying in a bed of grass with a butterfly on his cheek. In reality, Artsy Guy often comes across as looking foolish, dramatic or awkwardly self-involved.
Lesson: If your picture is artistically distorted in any way, seems to hint at an extreme political agenda, or looks like a Cymbalta ad, delete it immediately.
Action Guy
Action Guy went skydiving. He wants to talk about it. Action Guy goes hiking. He wants to talk about it. Action Guy plays sports. He wants to talk about it. Action Guy needs to prove to people that he is active, sporty and interesting. In reality, Action Guy seems to be trying too hard.
Lesson: One or two action shots are fine, but remember the focus should be on you. Not just your hobbies.
LinkedIn Guy
LinkedIn Guy is anomaly. He (or his office) paid for professional business photos, and they might actually look great. However, if he only uses those professional pictures, he quickly becomes more robotic than Mitt Romney on Xanax. He knows that a professional picture is great, but forgets that this is a date, not a job interview.
Lesson: If your LinkedIn shot makes you look good, use it, but it cannot be your only picture.
School Photo Guy
One Throwback Thursday not too long ago, School Photo Guy posted a picture of himself as a child that a few people called “adorable”. He now uses that picture on a dating app, believing it to be cute and endearing. Everyone else is weirded out.
Lesson: All your pictures should be current and represent you as you look now.
Sedated Tiger Guy
A new and slightly disturbing emergence, Sedated Tiger Guy insists on including a picture of himself and the tiger (or lion) he saw on vacation. He thinks he is a badass, but he is not fooling anyone. We all know he did barely touched that lion and that he almost peed in his pants when it moved that one time.
Lesson: Posting a picture of yourself with a wild animal does not give the impression you assume it does. It makes you a cliché. If you want to be a cliché, stick to picture of you and your cute puppy.
In conclusion, remember that honesty and clarity are key. Do not stand in your own way. Take a few selfies, try some different angles and upload more than one picture. Have fun! There is no better calling card for you than your face. Show it off! It’s the best way to find the best matches for you! Happy swiping!
