It’s tough out there. Meeting women can be awkward, and meeting women you actually want to pursue can be even trickier. Yes, we have dating apps and services that show us that awesome women are out there, but why are we not connecting? When initiating a conversation, a date, or a relationship, it is important to avoid certain behaviors which often alienate women, or cloud your ability to show your true, nice guy/gentleman self.
In short, once we meet someone we would like to pursue (for a date, relationship, or even more) it is best to avoid these behaviors – or face their waning interest.
We over-sexualize.
Sex should be fun and easy, and it should come out of a connection and a mutual desire to be physical. Never try to make a situation that is not sexual more sexual. Never try to manipulate the atmosphere by clunkily talking about sex, offering sex or discussing sex you might have. This is not to say that sex should be an avoided topic of conversation – a frank discussion cold be an awesome way to get closer and discussing sex only allows you to learn more about each other. But bringing up the topic with the agenda to make it happen – especially when it is out of the blue – is what should be avoided.
Let it be what it will be. And respect what it will be.
We play games.
We all know the games – wait three days before calling her, do not look too interested or she will lose interest, etc. The games never end. However, smart women know when those games are happening, and frankly, they deserve more respect than an attempt at manipulation. Be honest – if you do not like like her, tell her she is not right for you. If you do like her, allow yourself to be vulnerable and open to her. There are no rules other than sincerity, respect and mutual appreciation.
We will not accept we are looking for different things.
Maybe you are not ready for a relationship and she is. Maybe she just wanted to hook up. Be aware of what you want and express it. It is her responsibility to be honest in return.
Don’t keep someone around because you seeing them there when you are lonely, sad or horny. Do not continually pursue a woman who has shown she is not interested. Explore what you want and read the signals in front of you.
We don’t plan.
If you ask her out on a date, plan that date. Do not wing it. Of course, you do not need to plan every moment out, but pick a place, a time and a way to meet up. Be proactive. Chronic ambivalence is an epidemic these days, and while it might come out of a desire to make sure she has the best time possible, it is also shirking the responsibility for the date.
From a larger perspective, remember that neglecting to plan might show a lack of focus in life.
We do not pay attention.
Being over-analytical or anxious puts us in our heads, which might makes it more difficult to listen. And, sure, you might be anxious because you like her, but it is a terrible cycle, and one that will only alienate her.
Do your best to listen and respond. All conversations ebb and flow, but let the lulls be natural and comfortable. Breathe and listen.
And if you continually find it difficult to listen, ask yourself is this is someone who makes you feel comfortable.
We lie.
Here is the truth about lying: Everyone does it, but it is never okay. (Surprise birthday parties and proposals are rare exceptions.) New relationships are all about trust, and the only way to build it is to be honest. Sometimes that means admitting something that exposes a flaw. But honesty is the framework of any new relationship, and early honesty will only save you both time, and a ton of fighting.
You might think there is a lie you can get away with. But ask yourself what getting away with it really means. Maybe she is letting it slide, maybe you have instilled some doubt in her. Is it ever really worth it?
The core of these behaviors is this: When we are not authenticate about who we are, what we want and what we do, woman see through us.
