First dates can be a tricky dance of what to say, when to call, where to go, and what to wear. It seems that wherever you look, there are rules for every first date scenario. And everyone – from your bros to your mom – will have opinions about how to handle them.
But no one talks about second dates – and they are perhaps even more important. They are the date you have to move past first impressions and potentially move closer to something less casual. There are not more games and the awkwardness should be going away Why? It can be higher pressure, and sneakily complicated.
So choosing to go on a second date should not be a choice made lightly. You need to ask yourself second date questions and get through all the first date BS in making the best judgment call. Before thinking of dating somebody new, there are questions to ask yourself before the second date:
1. Am I attracted to her?
This is a yes or no question. If you have to convince yourself one way or another, you are probably NOT attracted to her or not ready to move closer to something less casual. Don’t only ask yourself if you want to see her naked, but dig deeper: do you like her smile? Her eyes? Her laugh? If it’s a yes, move in to question 2.
2. Is there chemistry?
Chemistry and attraction are wildly different things. Can you initiate a conversation with this person easily and freely? Do you WANT to talk easily and freely? Do you find her fun, interesting and do you have things in common? (Maybe not hobbies, but ideas, beliefs, passions, and approaches are all things you can share) If the answer is still yes, move to question 3.
3. Is she intriguing?
Intrigue is also very different than attraction and chemistry. In short, are you curious about her? Do you want to continue conversations? Does this person arouse a sense of wonder in you? You might not know the answer, but if there is a chance of a yes, move on to question 4.
4. Are you looking for the same thing?
You might not know what she is looking for a summer love, a relationship partner, a person looking for a friend, a cover-up or is she dating just for fun? A first date might not give you that sense unless you both got quite candid on that date. If you think asking her out again would either lead you on or set you up for disappointment, now is the best time to call it out. It keeps you from finding out that this person you are interested in has a totally different personality towards the future than you. If you think you truly want the same thing, no matter how casual or serious, ask yourself question 5.
5. Are you really looking for the same thing?
It is easy to convince yourself – especially if you are smitten with someone – that you are a match. But it is ideal for you to truly assess the situation. The earlier you can find someone who aligns with your goals, the less messy things can get. It is not always the way it happens. Sometimes we go on second, third, and more dates (or marriages) with people who do not align. And sometimes, it works. However, the move from first to the second date is the ideal time to make choices, and step away with leading her on or hurting her feelings (or getting yours hurt.
A Budding Relationship: Final Thoughts on Second Date Questions
You may be interested and like her a lot but there are cases that it cannot ignite your dating relationship as love. Your main purpose in dating is to have a relationship that can hopefully turn into you finding your life partner. Dating is a crucial stage whether you are compatible or just okay with being good friends. You need to learn more about the person’s personality and how they handle situations, their relationship with their family and friends, and how they lead their life. See to it whether you are compatible with each other and whether she could possibly have a good relationship with your family, friends and other significant people in your life. Do the soul searching if you want to find a soul mate.